Hi Friends,

“‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord.”  Isaiah 55:8

Boy!  That says it all!  

The Lord must feel frustrated with us, when we just don’t get it.  Thank goodness that he is so patient! Well I finally got it! I finally got what the Lord was trying to show me.  I know this message is primarily for me, but I want to share it with you because you may have experienced something like this yourself.  Or—you may be at the same place that I was, and to a large extent, I still am.

I had been praying for the Lord to direct me to a church to attend.  I had never thought of myself as a “Church hopper.” But for a variety of reasons, I have found myself searching again, for a new church.  You can read, “Do Not Be Deceived,” if you would like to know why I left my last church. Over the last month or so, God has been faithful, he has been speaking to me through visions, and through passages in the Bible, and even through my devotional: “My Utmost for His Highest.”  

Yesterday, being Saturday, I found myself again praying for understanding.  I have already received one confirmation after another, showing me where the Lord would have me go. But now I was asking “Why Lord?  Why are you sending me here?” In a vision, I finally got it!

The Vision

I saw an index finger whose tip was de-laminating.  It sounds gross, but I can assure you it was not offensive.  The Lord told me long ago to “Look for my signature,” when I received a vision.  One of the signs of his signature is that he never visually offends me.  

The index finger is the “pointer.”  It is the finger that wants to show, indicate, or point out some object or some fact.  It is also the finger that points to blame, or a finger that accuses or condemns.  It is the finger that says: “No! Don’t you dare!” My, what a finger!

What was God pointing out with this vision?  He was showing me a passage in one of my favorite chapters in Isaiah: Chapter 58. “If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with THE POINTING FINGER and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves on behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.”  Isaiah 58:9-10

So what does the pointing finger represent? What was I doing?  I was criticizing the church for their loose use of personal prophecy. I am highly skeptical about personal prophecy for I have seen it absolutely ruin one close friend’s life and wound another very deeply. Yet, every time I prayed as to where I should go, the Lord kept bringing me back to this church.   

I found that there was a tug of war going on in my heart.  I was powerfully drawn by the presence of God during corporate worship in the church. But then repelled by things that I didn’t accept or like, things that I found were not in order. 

I want to stop right here, before going on, and explain something very important. God has shown me by this vision that I am overly critical of the church. What follows is a description of what was going on in my head over the past month. I do not want to candy coat my thoughts for we are sinners, saved by g race. And I am very much aware that what you will now read is my critical spirit at work. I am very sorry that I was so judgmental. But I believe it is necessary for me to include what comes next, for perhaps you have made the same mistakes. It is better that we learn from another’s mistakes than to make them ourselves.

My Head/My Critical Spirit

The worship on Monday nights was wonderful, the Spirit of God was evident and there was freedom. Yet, I felt that prayer was somewhat inhibited. This type of worship and prayer combination is referred to as “harp and bowl.” There is an open mic so anyone could pray if they wanted, but there is an unwritten rule as to what type of prayers are offered. Generally there is a scripture given first, selected from 6 or so that are commonly accepted. They are pictoral in nature and are known to elicit a certain response from those present. After the scripture is read, then he or she may tack on a few sentences that are somehow related to the scripture. The common scriptures used are Ezekiel’s vision of dry bones, The river of life, and the tree of life whose leaves provide healing for the nations, (Revelation 22), and the throne of God and the twenty-four elders, (Revelation 4) This I also criticized as being highly limiting, redundant and meaningless.

I also criticized the church for substituting personal prophecy over the testimonies of those being baptized. I thought it is better to hear the new believers testimonies of their relationship to God and why they chose to be baptized, than to hear the pastors prophesy over them. We can then honestly proclaim, “By your confession of faith, I baptize you in the name of the Father, of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.”

It was my belief that personal prophecy should be kept personal. A prophecy given during the service as the Bible directs, is for the entire church. “If anyone speaks in a tongue, two—or at the most three—should speak, one at a time, and someone must interpret. If there is no interpreter, the speaker should keep quiet in the church and speak to himself and to God. Two or three prophets should speak, and the others should weigh carefully what is said.” 1 Corinthians 14:27-29 

Every time I left the church, I would be in such a quandary.  What was I to think? I was upset with the personal prophecies, that seemed to be targeted at the newcomers.  I felt that they had come from their own imaginations, and that it was used as entertainment, a “dog and pony show.”  It came to mind that perhaps they were using personal prophecy to “convince” the newcomer as the Bible says:  “But if an unbeliever or uninstructed person comes in while everyone is prophesying, he will be convicted and called to account by all, as the secrets of their hearts are laid bare.  So they will fall down and worship God, exclaiming, ‘God is really among you!’”  1 Corinthians 14:24-25 

But again, it does not say that that everyone who is prophesying, is prophesying to a particular individual. The “unbelievers or uninstructed individuals” are simply onlookers who hear the words of God and are convicted by the Holy Spirit. They hear the messages spoken and receive revelation about something concerning themselves. This is not personal prophecy.

Well, after each service, I would leave feeling down. I was not clear as to the motive of the Lord in his wanting me to return, again and again. But now I believe I understand what he wants to accomplish. God wants to heal me, correct me, and train me. And I can say for one, that it is not at all comfortable, getting my buttons pushed. But I believe that it is in the button pushing, that I can be healed. He selected the right church for that!

God loves us just as we are, but it is not his desire for us to remain as we are.  He wants to mold and shape us into his image. If we are to be his disciples, we have a long way to go.  Every time our flesh butts in and overrides our spirit, we have a learning opportunity. With me, this has been well over 20 years since he first corrected me. 

I was at the altar, all alone; everyone had gone home. Suddenly I heard the Lord’s voice.  He said, “Stop complaining! Do you want to be like the Israelites and wander for the next forty years?”  Oh, my!  

I was so sorry, I promised the Lord, I will not complain again!  However, within ten minutes of leaving the altar, I found myself complaining!  “Oh what a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?”  Romans 7:24   

I am sure that all of us have experienced the grief and sorrow that comes, when we fail to keep our promises to the Lord.  It seems almost impossible to overcome something that is so deeply ingrained in us. Complaining is second nature to me! It is as natural as walking --no thought involved!

Now, going back to my vision of the finger:

In the vision, the tip of the finger was de-lamininating.  The skin’s layers were separating. What God was showing me was the need for me to separate from the pointing finger.  I needed to separate myself from the bad habit of criticizing the church. He was not saying to separate from the Church.  He was saying that he wanted me to stop criticizing his church, his bride.

Years ago on my second retreat, following my deliverance and Baptism in the Holy Spirit, I heard the voice of God for the first time.  He told me, “Do not slander my bride.” I knew that he was talking about the Roman Catholic Church that my husband attended.  

Whether we are non-denominational, Pentecostal, Catholic, or protestant, we are all part of one body, the church, and because we may not agree about certain things, we should not slander the bride of Christ.  “There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”  Ephesians 4:4-6

Through this vision, I realized that I was harming the body of Christ by speaking against this church, without really knowing the pastor and the congregation.  I was wrong to make such a judgment. 

I did spend hours in prayer concerning what I saw and heard, to understand, but I couldn’t come to a conclusion.  What I do know about prayer and the Lord, is that we should never—ever give up. In time, He will speak his mind.  Hallelujah!

But, I was having trouble understanding why I would leave the church each time feeling so low.  Generally after being in the presence of God, I would be excited, and there would always be the feeling that I was loved by the Lord, and that all was right.

Yet, in this case, I would leave before the prayer ended or the service ended.  I just wanted to leave, for I felt something was wrong. Last week, I ran out of the service only to discover that my purse and my sweater were still in the pew.  Three weeks before that, I left and walked to the car leaving my keys in the bathroom. Both times I was forced to return! On three different occasions, when I didn’t want to go to the Monday night prayer because of my attitude toward “harp and bowl” and the “personal prophecies,”  God was encouraging me, “Do not be afraid.” So I went.

I can’t tell you how hard it is to go somewhere that you have already written off.  

But the Lord is faithful!  Today, I went with the idea that I was not to criticize, for this was the church that the Lord had selected for me.  I understand that He wants to remove this offensive character trait in me. And, He also wants to heal me from the past churches where I did not “fit in.”  In one case, the pastor did not like the vision I share with him and he accused me of being a “false prophet.”  I was humiliated, and hurt at the time. I left because I knew he would never respect any word that would come through me. “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”  Amos 3:3

In this new church, I realized that I was accusing them of bringing a false word.  I believed that they were prophesying out of their imaginations, rather than hearing from the Lord.  On my first visit to the church, a woman was given the service time to minister in personal prophecy.  I took offense because it did not seem genuine to me. I decided to leave, and walked to my car. This was the very morning that I had left my keys in the bathroom.  So I had to return to the church. I asked the Lord, “Do you want me to say anything about this to the associate pastor?”  

So I waited for an opportunity to speak to him, and shared with him my feelings about the dangers of personal prophecy, and that I believed that what was happening was in-genuine.

Yet I remember this scripture: “For we know in part and we prophesy in part but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.”  1 Corinthians 13:9-10

We are to test the spirits, to see if a message or a word is from God.  We are not perfect. We will make mistakes. But we must know the one who calls us.  We must know the shepherd’s voice. We must know the scriptures and be able to discern truth from falsehood.  We must trust God, and question or test prophecy. “Look for my signature,” is his direction for all of us.

So I am where I am supposed to be.  And as it turns out, The three prophecies that were given to me personally, I now believe to be genuine.  The personal prophecies were about healing, re-visiting painful situations to bring healing, and victory. At the time, I saw these three things as being so general, that they could apply to anyone, hence my skepticism.

But I also know that it does apply to me. I see this not as a physical healing, but as an emotional healing. In addition to the critical spirit, my desire to be accepted by others has also been a problem for me. This is something that I believe the Lord wants to change in me. The Lord spoke to me long ago, saying, “As long as you are fearful of Man, I cannot use you—for you are already being used.”  the Lord wanted me to know that the devil could use the desire to please others to affect my behavior, my response and my availability.

Over the years I have tried very hard to please the Lord and not let other’s opinions affect me. I believe that I have already made headway in this area of my life, and I have experienced so much more freedom as a result. Still, I know that until the Lord is the only one that I am interested in pleasing, there remains work to be done in my heart.  “Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.”  Psalm 86:11  

The Lord has brought me to this passage from my devotional many times:

“Our Lord never places anyone’s personal holiness above everything else when he calls a disciple.  Jesus’ primary consideration is my absolute annihilation of my right to myself and my identification with Him, which means having a relationship with Him in which there are no other relationships.  Luke 14:26 * has nothing to do with salvation or sanctification, but deals solely with unconditional identification with Jesus Christ. Very few of us truly know what is meant by the absolute “go” of unconditional identification with, and abandonment and surrender to Jesus.”  (September 28 of My Utmost for His Highest)

*Luke 14:26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple.”

I know it has been difficult to draw the line between being overly critical, and discerning at the same time. And the teaching the Lord presents about the Fear of Man, is hard to grasp and apply to our relationships. But the Lord demands our obedience and our willingness to have him do with us, as he pleases. Obedience is essential if we want to be his disciples. The Holy Spirit is working to mold and shape us on his potter’s wheel. “Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?”  Romans 9:21

“Oh Israel, can I not do to you as the potter has done to his clay?  As the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand.”  Jeremiah 18:6

Thank you Jesus! We bless your holy name! We are yours and you are ours! I am sorry for my critical spirit, and for judging this church - for slandering your bride. I am very sorry. Please forgive me!

I hope you will also seek God for all the things that you are trying to understand.  He is faithful - he loves us and wants the very best for us. Even when things seem like they are going wrong, we know that God has the full picture.  We simply have to trust him!

Thanks for reading and passing this along to those who may benefit.  God bless you!