I've been praying about what vision God would like me to share with you today.  He reminded me of a vision from around July in the year 2001.  It seems so long ago, but it still has bearing on my life today.   God speaks to us when we are quiet before him.  He speaks when we are at a crossroads in our lives.  He can speak to comfort us, and he can speak to us at a critical point in time, when we  could potentially go off course, like it was for me several years ago.

Late April. early May of 2000, the baby in my arms was only one month old.  It was then that my husband lost his job.  I wasn't sure what would happen next, but I believed that God would provide him with another job.  

For over four years prior to this, God was showing me the he didn't want me TO DO - he wanted me TO BE.  He spoke to me over and over again.  I had given up my design business early in 1995, when God asked for it.  I gave up my Master's degree six months later, when God asked for it as well.  And then another six months later, God asked me to give up my exercise business.  He told me "I don't want you to do, I want you to be." 

God was clearing out everything in my life that brought me self-esteem, gave me self-worth, and self-satisfaction.  None of these honored God.  I thought I was my job, my career, my education.  Without these, I felt that I was not worth anything.  I felt that these things justified my life and my existence.

God told me that he loved me, that I had worth merely because he created me, and that I was created for his pleasure and fellowship.  He wanted me to simply BE.  

Six months after my husband lost his job, there was still no job, and no interviews.  My husband was in emotional flux.  One day he was thankful to have time to spend with our little guy, and then the next, he was anxious about his job prospects.

One evening, while I was in the bedroom rocking in the rocking chair, nursing the baby, I just simply asked God, "What's going on?"  He responded by giving me a vision:

I saw myself standing next to a heavy blue velvet drape, like a theater curtain.  Suddenly between myself and the curtain there was a huge hand with its palm open, holding a matzo cracker, covered in honey.  I heard a voice saying, "Here, take this."

This was God's provision.  I knew that God was going to take care of us, and it would not be as bad as I was imagining it, because the cracker was covered in honey!  

After this vision, I didn't worry about anything.   Even though my husband's emotions were up and down like a roller coaster, I just told him, "Don't worry, God is taking care of us."

Several months go by, and I begin to get criticism from my well meaning "friends,"  They would ask me, "Amelia, why aren't you looking for a job?"  My husband was now over a year without work, and my baby was still so little.  They made me feel guilty about staying home with my child, even though I was still nursing.  After spending the day with my family & "friends," I felt the pressure.  I sat on the kitchen floor, nursing and praying.  God gave me another vision:

I saw a large thigh, and as I drew closer to look, I saw a tiny Barbie doll-size hand on this enormous man's thigh.  I thought to myself, "Well, I could surgically remove it....."  Then I heard God's voice, so plainly.  He said, "Are you trying to break my covenant?"

I  knew immediately, that God did not want me to work.  He did not want me to even entertain the idea.  He told me, "I do not want you TO DO - I want you TO BE!"

The covenant, between God and myself was the agreement to not work.  There is a story in scripture of a covenant between Abraham and his servant.  This story was very familiar to me, because I truly love reading the Old Testament.  It is found in Genesis, the 24th chapter:

Abraham was now very old, and the Lord had blessed him in every way.  He said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, "Put your hand under my thigh.  I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac."

The servant asked him, "What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this land?  Shall I then take your son back to the country you came from?"

"Make sure that you do not take my son back there,"Abraham said.  "The Lord, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father's household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, 'To your offspring I will give this land' - he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there.  If the woman is unwilling to come back with you, then you will be released from this oath of mine.  Only do not take my son back there." So the servant put his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and swore an oath to him concerning this matter.

You can see that the Barbie-size hand was my hand.  The large thigh was God's thigh.  The covenant that the Lord was speaking of, was his command, "I do not want you to do, I want you to be."

There have been opportunities, ministries, and plans since this took place.  I have had years of peace and blessings from the Lord's provision.  There have also been many closed doors, and heartaches that I need to address in the next vision.  This vision takes place about nine years later, and begins a period of questioning.  

Now it is seven years after this vision, here in 2017.  My son is 17 years old - God is still speaking.  I will share this next vision with you next time.  It has shaken me tremendously.  It has called into account everything I am and everything that I believe.  But - we must continue to press on, and continue with God, wherever that may take us.  

I hope and pray that you will be in prayer for God to guide you in this life.  God only gives us one life:  "Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment."  Hebrews 9:27

It is important that each day we live for him.  "You are not your own; you were bought at a price."  1 Corinthians 6:19-20

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  Psalm 139:16  This is true for me and also for you.  Please pray and seek God's will for your life, and may God bless you!